How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
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