'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
