I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
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