I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Randomize