I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
