Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
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