Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Randomize
