I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
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