bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
