so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
