i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
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