She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Is Oprah even human
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
