did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
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