on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
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I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
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We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.