I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks