My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
23 Strangest Things That Gave Dudes A Boner
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
These 21 People Shouldn’t Be Giving Dating Advice
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.