i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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