I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
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