I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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