Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
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