what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize
