I think I died a long time ago.
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
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A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
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We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
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