God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
Is it because I queefed?
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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