I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
