I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
