He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
farters have to be the big spoon...
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
