its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
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