See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
pop tarts are not kleenex
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize