Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
