I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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