Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
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