Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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