Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
