If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
