I need help removing her.
Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
