I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Randomize
