she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
