I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
