How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Randomize