Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
This baby is an asshole
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Randomize
