I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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