We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
Randomize
