everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
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