Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
