So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
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I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
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Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
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