Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Randomize
