my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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