dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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