Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
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