when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Randomize
