i was born a porn star she said
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
