My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
