Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize
