I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
