I heard we made out
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
