i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
