I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize