i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
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