How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
