My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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