I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
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Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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