I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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