just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
